@Who's Saying This

Could be because I’m a SUCH A FAN..Could be because I love sports so much..Could be because I love HISTORY so much…Hmm, Could be because I’m one of those people who can see/recognize when HISTORY is being made…Could the reason I ask so many questions be because you never ask…? Here’s my Q’s , Now it’s your turn…Come on…Turn around and show me that A: How many times has a former “ MVP ” coached his team to an NBA Championship? How many player/coaches have one the NBA Championship in their first season in that role? Of that number of coaches, How many were a “ Superstar "? How many were considered among, if not, the Worlds Greatest Player not only of their era, but in their sport overall? The A: was 1 you A: This is why I love HISTORY!! This is why the NBA is still & will always be FAN tastic. The world is getting watching the chance to see something that no one has ever seen before.  Kobe Bryant aka Bean aka Mamba aka  THE BLACK MAMBA aka  The 8th W...

“…and here we are it’s 2009 and we have a White House in which we have a Negro as President, surrounded and protected by a bunch of Jews…” Jack Levin, Criminologist That’s the world that we live in today, that above quote is what I heard on the news just now.  A “negro surrounded by Jews”, is that like a pimp surrounded by all his hoes? What the fuck America? Now we’re shooting up Monuments in the Summer time? There’s kids out there,  89 years old WTF is wrong with that dude?  Anti-Semitic or not, shooting up a museum goes way beyond “crossing the line” my children go to museums. What if little Maria and her family, who were at the museum today, had another question for that security guard. What if we had to rush more than the “Hero” & the “Villain” to the hospital? And…If that is his red “Hyundai then I’ve gotta call “Bullshit”, so now you mean to tell me that we have 89 y.o Anti-Semitic, skin heads, who shoot up museums in the middle of the day with a rifles, raci...

It’s “Thought A.M” and this is what I think… -Can an open “Can of Worms” be buried beneath the surface? -Is it possible to “Make Believe” on purpose? -When is it ever “Okay” to “Fuck-Up” on purpose? -Is it possible to do something on purpose by “accident”? -When is it “cool” to be the idiot? -How can you tell when an actor is “acting”? -How does one “practice” being “fake”? -How can a argument be one sided if neither person agrees? -Speaking of “One-Sided”…How “One-Sided” is Where’s Waldo? Think about it…we are supposed to look at the picture to figure out where Waldo is..but we never know what Waldo is looking for… -How the FUCK did Waldo end up in there to begin with? -Is Waldo on the Stuff? Is Waldo like Kobe, is he to “Unstoppable”? -is it possible to make a living by not being perfect? -Is “Sexting” Illegal if both parties consent and are over 18? -If it is legal, can someone “Sext” me and “teach me” how to do it? -What do you do when you know that yo...

*The ? is for you to fill in the missing _… I’m not sure if I’m going to school online because I see it as an “easy way” to get a degree, or because I see it as the best way to ask for help(Probably not the correct wording for what I’m trying to say, so please do not read too far into that). I’m going to school to earn my Bachelors in Art – History, because I want to know if there is anything in the past that can tell me why I am the way that I am now…At this point in my life I think that I am more concerned with figuring out myself and my thoughts than I am about learning anything else. I just want to learn how to help….Everything else in the world is well… EASY ..to me, I can learn anything by reading about it, doing it or watching others..I learned how to do that in Pre-School. What do I need to know to be “successful”in life? And when/how do I know if I am successful? Who will tell me? Right now, I already feel that I am successful, it’s 2009 and I’m still living, I’ve been thru ...

So I started my first course and on the first “homework assignment”, I had to answer questions based on the Chapters that I read. The book is called “Peak Performance” and is written in part by Sharon K. Ferrett. The questions were: After reading Chapters 1 & 2, What did you learn about yourself? How will your styles and preferences help you to be successful in college? Construct a one or two paragraph response to each question…Well… After reading the Chapter 1, this is what I came up with: I am an Introvert in my everyday life and an extrovert in my writings. I've always thought of myself as a "Peak Performer" even when I didn't know the correct verbiage or term. I still don't know what to make of my thought process, because I think that I am a creative & analytical person, who, based on previous experiences in life, has been thought of as a "directive" type. Almost every position that I've ever held in life has been in the "aut...

Follow Up on the above “Theory” Is it possible to only learn what I want to? I want to be a Motivational Consultant. I  want to be the best. I want to be so good that I am FAMOUS. I want to learn whatever I don’t know and need to know..I don’t know if there is a “Degree” for that or if there is an “actual term”. I know it’s a dream of mine, how do I turn that dream into reality? I want to learn how to relate my personal experiences in life, the things that I’ve learned and the things that I will learn to other people. I want to be paid a for that. I want a “career” where I can combine what I know  with who I am to help others.  I want everyone in the world to know that I am always willing to help. I want to show and teach that others that sometimes we make mistakes, I want to help others when they make mistakes of there own and fall down, I want peers who understand me and the way that I think. Does that make a writer, a philosopher, a psychologist, a sociologist, a per...

Is it the person of the their presence that we miss the most when a loved on is away? What hurts the more, losing someone or having to let them go?  A friend, a distant relative, a sibling, a best friend, a lover, even a pet. Who for whatever reason is gone or is “away” at the moment. I sit and wonder about things like this, I wonder how they’re doing, I wonder if they know that they are in thought..Funny- but-not-funny how we get the joke a person tells well after they’re gone and “unavailable” to tell it again. Funny the “tricks” that one performed that one time…Even with all of the “Technology” that we have today, nothing is better than when you have a few moments to share with those & that which is close to you. I asked my mom & sister what they thought about this and just like everything else I say to them, my questions were answered with questions and the only conclusion that they came up with is this: I NEED MEDS My mom feels that I have problems and that I use wor...

So I was cleaning out my Recycling Bin today and came across some thoughts that I had been meaning to throw away. Uncompleted pieces of work that I’ve erased from my mind, then I thought, why not just combine them into something to share with others…   > Parallel Thought.mid < Okay..I’m not sure if that above file will play for you or not, but it’s music..I kinda just wrote it and well it kinda sucks..but hey at least I wasn’t afraid to take another chance… --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I call this “A Quick 180” Written to “So Fly" Instrumental: By: A.Williams Intro : This is how fly I am, This is who I be, I said This is how fly I am, This is who I be, I said This is how fly I am, This is who I be, I said This is how fly I am, your girl chose me…   Hook : She chose me dawg, ya girl chose me, I said, check the message on your new PALM Pre, I say…I think the me...

Creatively I saw things, create and say things, sometimes silly things, the silly things that make me smile. I wonder how my pal, we shall, we did..that’s how, this one is new & now: I’m in a mood to create things, in a mood to create things..I’m a nerd with some words like ------> COW . Moo-Moo..who know, so shook &  I do and I can, will the lady have . 2 . Two is the magic number, 1 + 1 is 2 , 2 – 1 is 1 , if 1 and 1 looks better as 2 then why is 1 always trying to take away from 2 ?    -1 is what you’d be, –1 is what you see, –1 is who’ll be, –1 with no 1 to share 3 of the things on your mind…What makes 1 different from 1? Can 1 be better than 1? If you put 1 by 1 and compared 1 ? Would that 1 1 look like 11 which is 1 0 - -1 , even though I meant 1 x 1 , which looks like 1 x 1 which is = to 1 , but is not the 1 by 1 that I asked you to compare…Kinda like . 2 . equals 2 and 2 . ’s, . 2 . connects 2 and 2 . ’s, . 2 . ...

Dear World, Today I think I thought about killing myself…I saw the whole scene…I’ll save you all the glory details…I want you to think about what I said…what was on my mind?…I had my “car chase” finale, I was in the car that slammed into the wall at 180 mph …Straight through the windshield, directly into the wall…That last round in the chamber, the noose around my neck, the pills, the liquor..Any and every way possible I thought it and saw it today…I really felt the loneliness that is associated with the thought of suicide… I was just sitting here at my desk, listening to music & filling out forms (ugh) for the VA, and I kept seeing the words “ Suicide ”, “If you or any of your loved one’s”. Over and over again, on what seemed like every page that has to deal with Veterans. Repeatedly I saw the words…and at first I just shrugged it off like we all do…I even remember saying to myself “Not me”…I didn’t even want to think about it, me and that word would NEVER been associated…Jus...

Before I start…Have you figured out the      ? Ya wanna know what really fucking bothers me sometimes?? it really fucking sucks when there’s no one around to think with.  Not necessarily there to talk to, but I’m talking think… Where you’re there and you only say something when whatever you’re thinking provokes words. A short conversation lasting only seconds, but it hangs in the air, stand ing by to resume at any minute….Perhaps my main problem it the fact that sometimes when I’m writing I tend to drift off and say space space what’s on my {@^@} ? I just gave you 2 more riddles… I’ll give you two hints… I just told you one by telling you in pink & the other is > YES, I meant to type “ space  space”..I think I did it again as a matter of fact..okay really…If you look at it you’ll see that I meant to type space after I pressed space twice, I really thought you’d get it and read “say space,space,space.space..what is that picture…?..You ...

Let’s paint a picture with words, let’s use vivid colors to express what were thinking, let’s trac e a little and draw an outline around how we feel, let’s use bright colors to shine in our happiness, let’s use dark shades to conceal how we feel. Today let’s not follow the "”rules”, today let’s paint a “word picture”…Today the pe nc i ls , pen and brushes will have no use. Today I’m going to attempt to paint 2 “mental pictures” and I’ll be doing that by telling you how I feel. Here I am…Just about the “cross that line”… AGAIN … I saw the sign the first time..but I figured that ‘cause I’m M3, that warning was meant for others…Here I go doing something unpractical at a time when practically everyone is afraid of a peculiar fellow who practices staying perpendicular to the [_]…Right now I don’t know whether I should feel rejected, dejected, unhappy or upset. I do know that for some strange reason I’ve still managed to keep both  calm & upbeat thru it all…I feel that som...

  Spazz Out & Dance with the world that’s what I want to do. I want to BOUNCE myself off the fucking wall right now.. candy bars & S|||P|||A|||C|||E|||D out * Stars *    I swear my biggest phobia is people not knowing who I ARRRGH ..Whatever…I see myself as myself standing on the edge of the edge..one false step off this ledge and I may tweak my ankle, which only cause a greater delay to  the start of this journey up the flight of stairs that lead to the door that opens the windows deep within the halls of my mind…Scratch that thought & scratch those words …”Nothing that I ever say is real, nothing I do means anything…”. Wait it…no…it does…How do I know? Hmm…Could be because I know that I make some of the words up as I go along…Huh? IT just said something to M3...something like “Boom Chooga-Wookie, Wiikiie-Wiiike Chill”. Laugh if you want, but that crazy little sentence is just another thing that keeps me chill . So chill should read “Boom Chooga-...

May these sheets of paper fly, I’m filling in old lines and giving new “clues”, I’ll leave them along the path of the journey not that has yet to begin. It’s me today, and my thoughts are “checking in”.  I’ve got a few things to say today people and I will not be ignored.  Time to be a little “real”, so all pussy faggots must go …Seems someone at the VA wants my attention..Well, okay Mr. Kruse you’ve got my attention…LET’S GO: To that bitch-faggot-pussy-motherfucker who keeps sending out the “reply” emails for EVERY company in the world – FUCK YOU – and that comes not only from me, but from everyone else in the world who writes a letter and gets back one of your shitty responses.  No Sir, you DO NOT get a today…You don’t get “Thank You” and you certainly will not have your letter saved in my “Happy Letters” mailbox… FUCK YOU ..Put my letter in the name next time, SPELL my shit right next time..It’s AMARI …Is that too much to ask?  Can you make an effort to ensu...

Today has to be to have been one of the worst days of my life. Today I found out that I’ve lost my words…imagine the amount of PAIN i am in, l 0”0 k at that, I didn’t even CAPTIALIZE I …I’m already going thru so much shit in my life right now…Still waiting on my Military Benefits, still looking for others who are waiting on benefits…To lose my WORDS on top of                                                                  THAT My words were all that I had left…My book, my lives’ story, my hopes, my dreams…All of those things were tied to those words..Fuck! ! ! < That is what I have to cap of my week…with all that I’ve found out. Like how I manage to do just...

Today’s “post” can be found on HLNew s.2.

I feel like I am on an entirely different page right now, I feel as though I am in my “Twilight”  right now. See I have this theory, well I think I’m live this theory. I’ll get to that “theory” in a moment, first I wanted to start with something that I like to call: A Series of Confusing Words I’m going to write a series of confusing statements using random words that I think exist…no seriously, I’m warning you that I’m about to not starting to make sense.Whaaat? Never mind, keep reading…see --> I can write slow enough for you to sound out the words <--- all I’m saying is STOP SAYING WHAT YOU’RE READING OUTLOUD ‘cause I swear that I’ve already told you that I’m making sense… *PAUSE* *PAUSE* *PAUSE*, gotta stop thinking out loud, that or stop typing the words that my eyes see me saying…Yeah I know that makes “US” 2 Confused  & You the 1 l 0^0 king at the 3 numbers on the page. We’ll continue after this message: Back to the confusion shall we, we sh...

I suppose that I should start this letter by thanking you for taking the time to read what I have to say, but I’m not going to do that. Not because I want to be rude, but because this is something that you need to hear this former soldier has to say. And before you check my military history I’ll admit that I did in fact make some mistakes. I apologize in advance for those, and if given the opportunity I‘ll be more than glad to address them.  But for now I feel that there is something about OUR military that I need to get off of my chest. The current mental preparedness, evaluation, monitoring and treatment of OUR troops is an absolute travesty. The way that the mental side of the soldier is handled is the biggest mistake in the history of man. Right now we care more about how we treat captives than we are about Pvt. Smith., the pictures and video show the gory side of war…HBO has a show about what it’s like inside of a hospital in a war zone, but they don’t have a show about the ...

Okay so I get it now NOTHING that I do is right, I understand now that everything that I do is wrong. Every decision that I make. I know this because my wife was nice enough to tell me, her words were pretty sharp and to the point. I do not make her happy, and I am indeed a part of her daily stress. NOT a relief like I thought that I was, I am more of a burden than a relief of burdens. Awesome, That’s so cool. I’ve got to say I glad that at least she had the nerve to tell me, unlike well I guess anyone else in the world. I suppose that after all these years she knows me better than I know myself.  I feel sooo awakened and refreshed with this news. At a time when some people would be infuriated and full of anger, perhaps even rage. I surprisingly am not. I’m not happy nor am I sad, I kinda feel like the band-aid that was covering my scab of life has just been ripped off, even took a few hairs off. Please excuse me if I jump subjects while writing this but I’m just “letting it all ...

Did you get that M3SSAG3 now AMERICA? And if you got the message can you please let us Veterans know if you’re ready to understand. 5 Soldiers, 6 Soldiers really because even though we should be outraged at what this young man has done, we can’t be that way right now. Not when 6 families have just been informed that they’ll never get the chance to hug their loved one’s again. More than just 6 lives when you think about, I can’t imagine the total number because I don’t know any of them, I am however related to them in some way shape or form by the Creed that we all take when we join the military and I feel I have a connection with the soldiers that we’ve lost today because I’ve been there so I know what it’s like. That incident that happened today simply reflects all of the similar “incidents” that have once soldiers have gone home. The amount of daily pressure that we are under over there pail in comparison to the amount of pressure we face everyday when we’re at home, but the mental s...