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Everything’s .?. Perfect

*The ? is for you to fill in the missing _…

I’m not sure if I’m going to school online because I see it as an “easy way” to get a degree, or because I see it as the best way to ask for help(Probably not the correct wording for what I’m trying to say, so please do not read too far into that). I’m going to school to earn my Bachelors in Art – History, because I want to know if there is anything in the past that can tell me why I am the way that I am now…At this point in my life I think that I am more concerned with figuring out myself and my thoughts than I am about learning anything else. I just want to learn how to help….Everything else in the world is well…EASY..to me, I can learn anything by reading about it, doing it or watching others..I learned how to do that in Pre-School. What do I need to know to be “successful”in life? And when/how do I know if I am successful? Who will tell me? Right now, I already feel that I am successful, it’s 2009 and I’m still living, I’ve been thru a lot of shit, yet “successfully” or “luckily” I’m still here. I wrote about “suicide” a few weeks ago, not because that’s what I was thinking about, but because I thought those words were something that someone/somewhere needed to hear. What am I going to school for then? I’ve already stated(see previous writings,misc.) and I can honestly say that “that” is the one thing I was put on this earth for. I know that my life is about helping people, helping in anyway that I can. For as long as I can recall…I’ve always done that, whether the”ethics” or “morals” behind them were right or wrong. I just want a degree for being who God me me to be…A “degree” like that would be…

PERFECT

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I may be up all night(check that, I’ve been up all night) because right now my “thoughts” are…PERFECT…

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My thoughts right now are pure, I am at a serene comfort level, and, I got there from reading a book. I read a book and it excited me…Actually, I’m currently reading 3 books…I’m reading a book entitled “Peak Performance” by Sharon K. Ferrett, I’m reading a book called “Twilight(It’s on the Top 10 list)” and I’m reading the Book of Mormon…I’m reading those books because I was asked to, because I feel that by doing so I am able to feel more “connected” to the world around me. I can’t help but think to myself from time to time, Which do I need more, drugs or a degree?, for my way of thinking, Am I borderline intelligent or am I borderline Insane? I don’t know because I’m too busy being happy, happy for myself and happy for the benefit of others. I’m sorry, sue me, but I’M SELFISH that way…I do things for others because by doing so does something for me, I’ve done and will do whatever it takes to put a smile on someone’s face or to leave them with a feeling of “satisfaction”…I want to find a way to turn A-M-A-R-I into HELPU, I want my name to mean more than something…I kinda want my name to mean…

EVERYTHING

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