Man fuck it...If you read this and can't grasp what the fuck I'm about to say then shit by all fucking means STOP READING NOW....
I know that it's been a month or two or whatever since I've put my thoughts down on this here make-shift piece of paper, but damn this time I'm done and I mean done.....
Ask yourself this question ladies/dudes - You ever been in a relationship with somebody, or talking to somebody, or even out of a relationship with someone that you thought you were close to but whenever something went wrong it was your fault, something that you did in the past, something that you don't do for them now?? How about you're always the one lying or you're the one that doesn't appreciate what they do?? Hmm..I thought so, man I just found out this past weekend that the one person above all others that I THOUGHT I could trust was the person that I could trust the least...You know who you are so I'll keep your name safe...Y'all I'm serious I've known this person for the (then) better part of 8 years and the entire time that I knew this person all I ever heard when shit went bad was what I did, how I acted, how I need to work on me, that I was the most selfish person in the world. But when shit was good - - OHHHH then I was the shit..Hmmm, funny how things change and how different people look when the light is shined on them...I mean really.
It's just so funny to me that when someone sees that you could be happy with someone else, they all of a sudden have sooo much that they wanna say to you "things they've been holding inside" "fears" and all that shit..But where were all of those things when they were doing there own things?? You know this is just the type of shit that drives men crazy...That fine line between doing what you feel is best for you and doing what you feel is best for the one's you love..I passed up what could've been the most amazing thing this weekend because of some bullshit, I came face to face with the best liar I've ever met, and damnit back in my days I was the best, and the only way I found out was by lying myself..hmm..and they say that lying gets you nowhere....One theory down....many more to go...
You know you go to any newsstand or look in any checkout line at your grocery store and you'll find all of those womens' magazines that offer advice on men and those "how to tell if he's cheating" oh my favorite "10 ways to know he's lying"....Damn when the fuck is ESPN the Mag gonna print an advice column for men?? When the hell is Dr. Phil gonna take our side?? and why the fuck is it that it's always drilled into the minds of men and women that men are the one's are always wrong?? Hasn't our society changed just enough that the idea of women doing wrong can be accepeted? Why is it that if you're in a relationship with a woman and she does a "lil snooping around" and finds something that's just her following her gut, but when a man does it it's an "invasion of privacy", "crazy" "jealousy"...Are you serious?? Reason #1 why I don't ever get jealoous-- It's already expected of me. Reason #1 I don't have to cheat - - I'm gonna get blamed for it anyways, and Reason #1 on why I never put too much into a relationship when I meet someone - - Because at somepoint I'm gonna have to take the fall for something I didn't do, didn't say, dont' remember and should've cared about. I understand that alot of people aren't going to agree with this and that's fine, that's why it's my blog - - they're my thoughts....
Next point - - I think that I'm destined to be single for the rest of my life, only because the days of ending up with that person you dream about only happens in movies and dreams, also because I'm not the richest man in the world. I'd love to take a woman out and spoil her but current gas prices limit that a lil bit. I'd love to do a lot of things that I can't do but I make sure that anything that I do - I do it better than anyone else....Speaking of which I met this person a couple of weeks back and we're cool and all but all I ever seem to here from her is that "I'm a ladies man" "I try too hard at being the perfect guy" now I don't know if that was just joking around or if she honestly believes that I "try". Hmm...maybe a lil of both, but by no means is there a motive behind what I do...That's just the way that I am, I'm also very very bad with the phone...but that is another blog on it's own....
Back to the subject at hand before I lose the point entirely....
I from time to time like to write and share things with everyone that I know from a "Real Guys" perspectivve and tonight I want to share something with everyone that not too many people know/believe. Ready?? Men do hurt and men value trust a million times more than women..Honestly we do, this past weekend I had the best fun and I mean pure clean fun only to have it all ruined by two simple lies, since that time I really haven't spoken much to anyone that I know...really haven't been in a mood for much of anything all because of one simple lie..a lie about something so small and trivial that in the end I'm over.....it's just the sting and taste of being lied to by the one person that I thought I could always trust. That simple lie has changed the way that I look at everything that's happened before and anything that could ever happen in the future. I really don't knwo how to explain it other than that, perhaps it's because I've never been hurt before, never had my heart broken and really it wasn't one of "those" lies but.........DAMN.....where do I go from here??
Fuck dude, I would prefer to be in a relationship with someone and be cheated on as long as you told me, I could get past that. I could handle just about anything and get past just about anything but damn don't lie to me, and NEVER try to lie to me and try to cover it by saying you just wanted to do what I do....especially if I haven't lied to you that just shows me that you never thought I ws telling the truth and that to you lying is just the norm...The shit that hurts the most is not only was I lied to y'all but this chick had the nerve to say "I want to work things out" I want us to be together" Are you fucking serious?? Now you want to be together after ruining my confidence in you?? Now you wanna work shit out when you see that I'm happier elsewhere?? Damn not do I not want to ever be with you, but now I'm not even sure I wanna be with anyone else for a while and just when I was feeling pretty good....SHIT SHIT SHIT...To top it all off I still have to see that same persons face at least once per day, and when I do I don't have even the slightest urge to speak or make eye contact.
In closing I just wanna say a couple of things: First - - Thank You to any/everyone who reads this and comments or doesn't, just knowing that at least one person can connect to the meaning if not the point is enough for me, and lastly.....Always remember that whoever you are and no matter who you talk to,date,fuck,marry or what - have - you, you always maintain that same level of trust and when you know, not feel, KNOW that you have no trust in that person you walk away, take it from me..it may seem like the hardest thing to do at the time, but in the end you and that other person will be all the better for it...I'm out..I'm done....Damnit it is possible for me to run out of things to say...............
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