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One Heart MANY Emoitions

Friday, August 11, 2006

Life is full of so many trials..tribulations....pains....difficulties..full of liars, cheaters, hustlers and the what not...what life is rarely full of is positive and unconditional love, honor and respect....

Yeah Y'all know that you're boy has been going thru some real life shit and some adult type issues...and well while things weren't looking god for a while, heart and mind both were attacked by stress, pain and heartache...I think that I may just make it out of this okay....That person that I was talking about, that person that helped put me in that position(I say helped because everything in life takes two people) I think that we've reached a common ground and while I'm not sure where that will leave things in the future I do know that anywhere far from where we were I'll take...Now with that being said let's get on to tonights "Words of Wisdom"

And so......People get in touch with your emotions, your feelings, YOU... I ask that you do that because in doing you might just found out some very interesting things..you just found out that buried under that outer shell is a very fragile and caring person, I found that out today...Today I found out that not only am I capable of feeling emotion, pain, and loss I'm also capable of forgiveness, belief that things can get better and damn it....that my life will never be easy...I only say that because if it were meant to be easy that whole lottery thing would've came my way along time ago...But hey FUCK IT...I realized today that my mind and my heart were in entirely to different places...my mind was in a "Man, Fuck It" place while my heart was in a "What is there left" type of place, and by way of a lil tear sheding and a lil anger and a lil silence I've come to find out that in the end both my heart and mind had two very very importan things in common...They both just want to be happy and they both just want to be loved..My dick on the other hand just wanted his piece of the pie...But of course I put that on hold...for now.....anyway...Don't know uf anyone has every realized this but we tend to do a lot of things that our mind tells us is good for us...but rarely do we follow the guidence of our hearts...now by no means am I saying that you should only listen to your heart, not at all what I'm saying is that your heart always has one key emotion while your mind will always be filled with "emotional thoughts" things that we think that our hearts would want up to do...ever hear that saying "Just follow your heart".....we'll I'm going to start going by "Listen to your heart, but analyze with your mind what it is that your heart is trying to tell you...Over the past few days/week I've been following my mind more than my heart and ended up in a place where I felt that I could just curl up and die...I never want that feeling again, never again do I want to feel that I'll never trust/love again. I know now that if I had done that then I would just be cutting life off all together...Love isn't a given, it's not a right and it's not something that is earned thru hardwork. Love in it's many forms is actually "in my mind", based solely on the emotion...the emotion of the moment, the sheer will of giving in everyonce in a while...you know that at on point I never gave into love because I just assumed that it would fail, that I could love to a point...to a point not all the way, you just until it was gone...as though it would come and go with the changing of the season....Now that doesn't mean that I'm gonna run out and tell everyone that I love them or anything. Instead the next time that love comes my way I'm going to embrace it, with the good and bad the comes with it, what I'm not going to do anymore is assume the love will either work or not. I think that from now on I'm just going to enjoy....take my time with it...figure out ways to always keep it fresh...Hmmm...don't I sound like a woman(sorry ladies)? I swear there are men around the cursing me for giving this insight into the male mind, but fuck 'em......

I will say this...For anyone that I've ever dated, known...what have you....If in the past you never quite understood what you were talking about or where you were coming from...I more than understand now...In a way more than I ever expected to....So until I blog again......

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