For a lot of you this may not make any sense, but for me try to get something out of what I'm getting ready to say:
For as long as I've been on this earth I've felt almost untouchable, like Telfon. Nothing touched my heart, I had no emotion, I only cared about me>myself>and I. But in the past 4 weeks I've experinced some shit that's made me take a step back and reevaluate the world around me. In the last 4 weeks I've suffered personal injury, I've lost my job, I've had my motives judged by those close to me and I've seen the tragic loss of life of two people that the world may never have the chance to appreciate. Neither of the two do I knwo personally and nor do I think that I ever would have, what I do know is unlike any other death that I've seen on the news these two have affected me in a way that I would never have expected. I've been a witness to death, I've taken life and I've had my life almost taken on a number of occasions. What I'm taking this as is a "Wake Up Call". To describe the amount of loss and pain that I feel from hearing about a young man killed in his home by burglars, to now seeing a man die in his sleep, both of whom were still young in age and just living their life the same way that any of us do on a daily basis. Just providing for their families the same way that you and I do.
Events like these put in perspective all that is right and all that is wrong in this world, it shows that no matter what you do in life whether it be good or bad, there is an end an end that none of us can ever predict or avoid. It's what we do before that end that we're judged on when it's all over. And I know that if my life were to end today, there would be too many things that I would look back on and wish that I could just have one minute to change, too many mistakes, too many bad choices. It's sad to say but I truly think that all of the bad outweighs the good, not that I'm a horrible person who's done horrible things, just did my share of wrong. I know that we can never truly change who we are, but that we can changes the way we are, as much as people put into God as being the guiding force in helping one change, one has to want to change in order for that to work. The problem that I have is....How can we truly change, given the world that we live in?? Is change just another decision that we make?? When is it too late?? See, I know that my changes are simple...a little clear thinking here and there...not hanging out at this place but instead not going at all. But what if my life is supposed to be this way, what if all the things that I'm experiencing are for a reason?? I tell you what I do know, I do know that no matter what I do in life I try to do it to the best of my abilities, I do it for my family and I do it for a sense of belonging.
What I want ALL of you who read this to do is: Take control of your life, whatever it is that you're doing....want to do later on in life....or are thinking about doing...DO IT, don't wait until the chance has passed...until the opportunity is lost or until life is over and all you can do is look back and say "Damn, I wish I'd done that then". Finally...for me....send a text, write a note, make a phone call to everyone everyone you hold important in your life and tell them that you love them....if for no other reason than the fact that you just do. I know that I will and I'll also find a way to let go of the past...
I LOVE YOU ALL!!! Will
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