Skip to main content

Um, *Journal*…Yeah

Yeah, I’m happy at the moment…Don’t know why kinda just hit me and well I feel like going on a walk with words leading the way. Word of WARNING I do not plan on making sense and I feel like changing subjects mid sentence and then coming back to them…Kinda like if I were talking out loud…lol.

 

Something is holding me back, something is preventing me from moving forward. It feels like I’m running thru quick sand and the only thing I can see moving fast is the end.

I want to write about nature. about the sun, about life. But every time I try to it seems my brain has “lost sight”, like the rays of light coming from my thoughts and creativity are being shielded and thus left to fizzle out like the tip of a sparkler…I want you to get what I get right now, to get on my level, to hold my hand as take a leap of faith off the edge.  I’m sorry – The smoke from this Black and Mild has got my eyes watering a little bit as I sit here stroking the keys of this keyboard like I’m hittin keys on a piano, ach rhythmic note being stroked as the pictures in my mind change. Like now I’m blinking and I can see…I’m taken back to just a few days ago…to a road in Houston, TX that I’ve been on hundreds of time…yet I never knew that it existed…It’s crazy because it took me being on this road with this one person and BAM!! I was moving in slow motion. The stress that I, that we were going thru in our lives, both together and alone…GONE. For what felt like an eternity. That road left me with a ‘new’ memory, a  wanted and much needed memory, I felt like I felt that one time when I found that “Special” Carebear…..

Oh, and I feel I must apologize to whomever I offended when I offended you and to you -- whoever you are - - I didn’t realize that I had become so FULL OF MYSELF…I apologize I guess I also didn’t realize that I had gotten YOUR attention…I’m sure one day I’ll regret how that came out, but in my classic fashion I’ll probably just make the best out of whatever that situation is then…WHAT?? I also found out recently that some people around me think that I am “Unreliable” & “Undependable”…but how could that be possible if people “Rely” and know that they can “Depend” on me to be that way…I guess I could change and do the exact opposite, but then I fear that I will be doing something that no one would ever expect from me…Hmmm, that could be a clue in figuring my out..but that’s CRAZY talk…to think that someone out there is REALLY trying to figure me out, I guess that would mean that they care about me, which would in turn also mean that they care about me?? What the hell man??, I feel like I’ve just been robbed of my hearts privacy, if this were a battle of emotions I may have just been knocked back a step by admitting that I actually care about things.  I suppose that this is where I should put a point in this writing ----

The point is: I had absolutely nothing to talk about when I started and I don't remember half the shit I said above(I really need to start reading this myself),  but then I started thinking about something and someone and nothing else in particular. Thank You for reading my latest “Journal” entry(isn’t that how someone put my writing?)…

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

In Part, A Theory

Okay so as you can see…I’m always trying something new..Yeah I know…”yada yada yada Amari, everything in your world is just fine” … What you didn’t think that I didn’t know what goes thru your minds? Really? Hmm..It’s called eye contact for a reason motherfucker, yes I AM PRETTY FOOKIN’ GOOD…NO MOTHERFUCKER DO NOT L@@K M3.. I’m not going to be fucking nice right now, Saturday is “Kick Knowledge Rocks Day”…so bring that brain over here and lemme kick some knowledge in it. Or how-the-fuckever your supposed to say that. Friday Fucking Fun Day is over, on Saturday i, we, me, us, him, and them just sit around, read some books, do some studying and yeah whatever the fuck-else-ever wes do. Fix that fucking sentence too. So it’s Saturday and before I get to whatever I’m going to talk about, I’d like to send a LAICEPS SHOUOUT to myself..”Hey Self…”, “Self Yes”, “Hey yeah self, FUCK YOU”, “Hey now watch it, “Nah..Hey Fuck THAT” “Now you watch your mouth” “Yeah, you watch yours”   …NO...
1 comment
Read more

My XBL Groupie

*Before any of you, my 'regular' readers read this, I want you to know that this post is to address someone who could NEVER mean ANYTHING to me, I just felt that this person needed to be "put in their place", the intention is to bring the humor in the words below, because I think we ALL need someone to LAUGH AT... I write what I feel, I think what I say and I think that what you're thinking about me comes from a collection of words that you'd NEVER SAY. You see, I know that you hate on me as opposed to hate me and I know that you do so knowing that you could never be me. I may never mention you by name because I don't EVER want you to think you've beat me, I just want you to understand that all the silly questions you ask are BENEATH ME...If any of you are reading this and think that this is about you then you've already let me beat you by exposing you as you, see unlike you I don't have to hide who I am, you say that my life's' not wor...
1 comment
Read more

Pick up the phone

It's funny how we always know one is every truly special to things are no more, until all is history and all we can do is look back and want for more reason for this song is for all those loves and relationships that we may have taken for granted, all the friendships victimized and sacrificed by the failed relationships. Love is a wonderful thing, even when it breaks us down and has us feeling like nothing. Sometimes we place blame on it as for the reason why we do the things we do, sometimes we take it for granted, sometimes...sometimes we are just to blind to see it right before us and end up wishing we could go back in time..sometimes..sometimes we wish we could just:     Intro/Hook: Just wish I could pick up the phone, wanna pick up the phone, scroll through all the names that show and dial the numbers to the one  I used to know, dial the numbers 1-4-3, press send just to let her know, hear her voice...
2 comments
Read more