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Um, *Journal*…Yeah

Yeah, I’m happy at the moment…Don’t know why kinda just hit me and well I feel like going on a walk with words leading the way. Word of WARNING I do not plan on making sense and I feel like changing subjects mid sentence and then coming back to them…Kinda like if I were talking out loud…lol.

 

Something is holding me back, something is preventing me from moving forward. It feels like I’m running thru quick sand and the only thing I can see moving fast is the end.

I want to write about nature. about the sun, about life. But every time I try to it seems my brain has “lost sight”, like the rays of light coming from my thoughts and creativity are being shielded and thus left to fizzle out like the tip of a sparkler…I want you to get what I get right now, to get on my level, to hold my hand as take a leap of faith off the edge.  I’m sorry – The smoke from this Black and Mild has got my eyes watering a little bit as I sit here stroking the keys of this keyboard like I’m hittin keys on a piano, ach rhythmic note being stroked as the pictures in my mind change. Like now I’m blinking and I can see…I’m taken back to just a few days ago…to a road in Houston, TX that I’ve been on hundreds of time…yet I never knew that it existed…It’s crazy because it took me being on this road with this one person and BAM!! I was moving in slow motion. The stress that I, that we were going thru in our lives, both together and alone…GONE. For what felt like an eternity. That road left me with a ‘new’ memory, a  wanted and much needed memory, I felt like I felt that one time when I found that “Special” Carebear…..

Oh, and I feel I must apologize to whomever I offended when I offended you and to you -- whoever you are - - I didn’t realize that I had become so FULL OF MYSELF…I apologize I guess I also didn’t realize that I had gotten YOUR attention…I’m sure one day I’ll regret how that came out, but in my classic fashion I’ll probably just make the best out of whatever that situation is then…WHAT?? I also found out recently that some people around me think that I am “Unreliable” & “Undependable”…but how could that be possible if people “Rely” and know that they can “Depend” on me to be that way…I guess I could change and do the exact opposite, but then I fear that I will be doing something that no one would ever expect from me…Hmmm, that could be a clue in figuring my out..but that’s CRAZY talk…to think that someone out there is REALLY trying to figure me out, I guess that would mean that they care about me, which would in turn also mean that they care about me?? What the hell man??, I feel like I’ve just been robbed of my hearts privacy, if this were a battle of emotions I may have just been knocked back a step by admitting that I actually care about things.  I suppose that this is where I should put a point in this writing ----

The point is: I had absolutely nothing to talk about when I started and I don't remember half the shit I said above(I really need to start reading this myself),  but then I started thinking about something and someone and nothing else in particular. Thank You for reading my latest “Journal” entry(isn’t that how someone put my writing?)…

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