Skip to main content

PhotoFinishThoughts




I know that you are mad at me right now, and I apologize once again. I'll apologize a ten million more times if you'll just listen to me..just listen to me for once instead of just hearing me ya know? Like for real all I needed was you, so all I did was for you. Even if it didn't appear so. That how much I loved you. Which is why I can not help but responsible for your broken hand, I feel equally ashamed about breaking your heart, and being the cause to any pain that you may ever have, had, or will have. I really thought that I knew what was best, when all along I should have listened to your voice of reason. I'm sorry for it all. But what I need to know is what we do next? What direction? Which road? Which path?

I know, I know...it's was't you it wa s me, I screwed up, I've made mistakes, I caused all the problems...but I swear I thought that I was doing the right thing. I thought I had it all under control.  Building towards and attaining success for us on my own. That's what my role is. I'm sorry for feeling as though I had to do it all without your help. I never meant any harm, can you ever please forgive me. Forgive me when I say that I did not mean to quiet your voice in the process or turn away hands. By trying to blaze down our path fell from hard and have failed repeatedly, as I sit here now on the edge of total loss, I can't help by feel poor, how could I have allowed myself to cash out our chips without ever consider what you placed at stake.  I take blame, take blame for seeking more and more for me and looking less and less at us.

It's almost seven in the morning and I'm sitting in this parking lot, windows down, music blaring, getting high as shit listening to all of our songs. Typing away on my 'laxy telling myself that I have to stop, I have to stop doing everything I'm doing that's ruining everything, not just for me but for you for us for our family, while finishing another bottle off, thinking about all of the important things all the shit that I knew I should and all that we could be having, instead off throwing my life out here with these randoms blow my future down their throats...

I kept telling myself to stop, but I telling myself anythign can't stop me anymore, I'm too far gone and strung out.I am too hooked and I realize it....To hooked on feeling one way while showing another, I'm fucking tired, I'm tired of losing control. I tired of going out evey night, I'm tired of being out here on my own without you. And I've been going out of my mind trying to hide it from everyone else. I need to get myself together before I find myself gone or worse alive but alone in this world without love, without my girls, without my family without friends. You may not understand what it is like first hand, but if you would ever listen to the scene I direct, then you'd at least be feel what it is like to be on both sides of the barrel.

What I'm trying to say through all my words is I Love You all in so many ways that I could never describe,  and if doing so triggers the bullet that kills me, then I'll take it, but you'll never have to worry, nothing could ever hurt as much you kicking me out in front of the neighbors.  I'm sorry for breaking your blackberry and  mac, I'm sorry for breaking the mirrors and the punching hole in the walls. I'm sorry about your hand again any/all bruises that you endure as a result of my selfishness, but I swear that it will not ever happen again. So as I end today clear your eyes and dries those tears. I promise to never scare you anymore.

  Today it ends. 

My life without you is without proof.


#PhotoFinish #Thoughts

?Who's Saying This?

Labels:

Popular posts from this blog

Inhale, Exhale

Uh-huh... Pass me that lighter.. Now turn me up a bit..                       "Click, click, click, click" "Inhale, exhale Inhale, exhale Inhale, exhale" Yeah I'm ready in tha tent time to flip off the suit slide soft cross sheets key 'em chillin off the loop in the fridge 'til I'm ready for that alphabet soup off the sauce in the pan if you get then you hand fail to follow then no cup for two my friend time ta Click, click, click, Inhale, exhale, Inhale, exhale, Inhale, exhale Soon as I spark it baby we goin' Waldoff, , soon as I light it we goin' Woolworth, , soon as I fire it up we taking off, so take it all gripin' grape til the papers tall token golden flakes in all drips seeing sugar walls wide as rulers whoatmosphere is thick gettin' looser by the foot Ajustawinner by the yard while they choking off my soot I'm getting closer to catching a bag full of falling stars buy...
Post a Comment
Read more

Alone

  Ss-Ss-Sometimes I'm all alone, with these demons, feel 'em watching, Waiting for me to fall, once again, I see 'em plotting, My life is a constant bowl of equal circumstance & conflict, Contemplation of misery or memory confirmation, Held up in the midst of turmoil using joy as my only outlet, In my head I see a gathering of enemies friends and family my end dealt by the same pair of dirty hands that once cared for me, fatal outlook, Heart for you to diagnose in the place your secrets dwell, Laying it all on the line, for mine, give me peace or give me hell, Ss-Ss-Sometimes I’m wanderin', wanderin', wanderin', all alone in this world Fighting with my back against the wall, Against these demons for the throne, I give my all 'till I fall Epee thrusts for ethics cause, I give my best, give my best, give my best for it......:ALL: Forum my epic efforts cryptically, dispensing newly found resolve, without pau...
Post a Comment
Read more

End of the Line

Where are you? Where have you gone? Why have you left me here all alone? Will you ever come back? Those are just a few of the questions that I ask myself each day that I open my eyes. WHY CAN’T I THINK ANYMORE? WHY CAN’T I UNDERSTAND ANYTHING? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? WHEN WILL IT ALL CLICK AND MAKE SENSE AGAIN? WHEN WILL MY STRUGGLING END? WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL LIKE EVERYONE ELSE? WHY AM I SO AFRAID? WHY AMI SO ASHAMED? WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE I AM CONSTANTLY ALONE? WHY DOESN’T ANYONE CARE? WHEN WILL SOMEONE LISTEN? WILL ANYONE EVER UNDERSTAND? My head is so full of questions, that the answers themselves are invisible… I can no longer continue to live my life the way that it is, and so I choose today, this moment, this time to put an end to way that it is. I’m tired of having to explain what I mean in order for other people to understand, I’m tired of trying to be what people expect while at same time failing to meet overall expectations. Tired o...
Post a Comment
Read more