I know that you are mad at me right now, and I apologize once again. I'll apologize a ten million more times if you'll just listen to me..just listen to me for once instead of just hearing me ya know? Like for real all I needed was you, so all I did was for you. Even if it didn't appear so. That how much I loved you. Which is why I can not help but responsible for your broken hand, I feel equally ashamed about breaking your heart, and being the cause to any pain that you may ever have, had, or will have. I really thought that I knew what was best, when all along I should have listened to your voice of reason. I'm sorry for it all. But what I need to know is what we do next? What direction? Which road? Which path?
I know, I know...it's was't you it wa s me, I screwed up, I've made mistakes, I caused all the problems...but I swear I thought that I was doing the right thing. I thought I had it all under control. Building towards and attaining success for us on my own. That's what my role is. I'm sorry for feeling as though I had to do it all without your help. I never meant any harm, can you ever please forgive me. Forgive me when I say that I did not mean to quiet your voice in the process or turn away hands. By trying to blaze down our path fell from hard and have failed repeatedly, as I sit here now on the edge of total loss, I can't help by feel poor, how could I have allowed myself to cash out our chips without ever consider what you placed at stake. I take blame, take blame for seeking more and more for me and looking less and less at us.
It's almost seven in the morning and I'm sitting in this parking lot, windows down, music blaring, getting high as shit listening to all of our songs. Typing away on my 'laxy telling myself that I have to stop, I have to stop doing everything I'm doing that's ruining everything, not just for me but for you for us for our family, while finishing another bottle off, thinking about all of the important things all the shit that I knew I should and all that we could be having, instead off throwing my life out here with these randoms blow my future down their throats...
I kept telling myself to stop, but I telling myself anythign can't stop me anymore, I'm too far gone and strung out.I am too hooked and I realize it....To hooked on feeling one way while showing another, I'm fucking tired, I'm tired of losing control. I tired of going out evey night, I'm tired of being out here on my own without you. And I've been going out of my mind trying to hide it from everyone else. I need to get myself together before I find myself gone or worse alive but alone in this world without love, without my girls, without my family without friends. You may not understand what it is like first hand, but if you would ever listen to the scene I direct, then you'd at least be feel what it is like to be on both sides of the barrel.
What I'm trying to say through all my words is I Love You all in so many ways that I could never describe, and if doing so triggers the bullet that kills me, then I'll take it, but you'll never have to worry, nothing could ever hurt as much you kicking me out in front of the neighbors. I'm sorry for breaking your blackberry and mac, I'm sorry for breaking the mirrors and the punching hole in the walls. I'm sorry about your hand again any/all bruises that you endure as a result of my selfishness, but I swear that it will not ever happen again. So as I end today clear your eyes and dries those tears. I promise to never scare you anymore.
Today it ends.
My life without you is without proof.
#PhotoFinish #Thoughts
?Who's Saying This?