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Pushing on, Pushing up

I keep my nose so buried in many books, my head cluttered with so many random thoughts, and my heart open to so many people that more often than I forget that but only a simple a man, no greater than the next, no more supreme than the supreme King...

It's weird to me that I am in many ways I am unable to connect with my fellow man, and as a result am often left wondering how to make the connection. I recognize that I lack the ability to communicate my visions in a clear enough manner that those around me are able to share what I think and see...I've been told on numerous occasions by a great number of people that I am too complex, that I am wildly unique, that I am...different...but when I press for details as to how, my head is often filled with more questions than answers, which leaves me dumbfounded...

The one reasons why I push so hard, why read so much, why do so many things, take so many risks, and am so confident is because I truly do believe that anything is possible. I do not know how to live or think any other way. I do not know what it is like to not be confident, I do not know what it means to give up, I do failure and am familiar with with failure...but even in my failures I have been able to pinpoint areas of success or a solution as to why I failed.

I do not know if God's will, part of God's plan, a blessing, a gift, or a curse...to be honest at this point in my life...I really don't care....I don't have time to...not when so many people are in need of so much and there are so few who are able or willing. I'm not afraid to admit that nor am I willing to apologize...Why should I be concerned with going to heaven in my afterlife if the world I'm living in now is headed towards hell? Wouldn't that be selfish in someway? To be even more honest...the job I held in the military and actions as a result pretty much guarantee that when it's all said and done I may not make the "cutoff" and I'm no hurry to apologize, repent, or beg for forgiveness for doing what was necessary at the time to protect the freedom and liberty of so many more.

I am but one man with a million thoughts, and infinite number of talents/skills/and abilites...each of which I use everyday for the benefit of others even when on the surface it may appears as though I do not. All I ask in return is that someone...anyone..anywhere else in the world do the same, I really believe that if more people would take the time to consider just how wonderful and amazing it feels to do anything, then more would accomplish everything they put their energy into.

If more people would do for others, then less people would suffer...

Every night I sit around staring at the stares, quietly talking to myself, asking the same questions over and over again...

What I am supposed to be doing?

How am I supposed to be helping?

Who can I teach?

Who can I assist?

Why does it feel like I am the only one?

Have I truly lost my mind, am I crazy for believing....for knowing that one day I will change the world? One day I know that I will able to do so much for so many if I all I do is just keep pushing myself to learn, to read, to try, to type, to talk, to risks that other are afraid to so that I can be a point of reference to anyone who has a question...one day, one day, ONE DAY!

Perhaps if more people would do for others, then less people would suffer...

Perhaps if more people did then 1% would represent the percentage of society that is not wealthy...who knows..I could be wrong...but as it stands it'd be nearly impossible for me to believe that..

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